These pages are a collection of thoughts, experiences, memories, visions, and dreams of healing - things others have found along their way, and which may help you find wholeness in your own spirit.
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i have never understood the phrase "this is just how i am". whenever i hear it, i feel a heat rise into my face and a sense of confusion forming over my brow. i often feel irritated and confused when i see someone denying parts of themself.
when i dig into the phrase, what i find underneath is: "i am this way because i have been this way". people usually say it in response to someone else pointing out a harmful or limiting ("toxic") trait in them, or how they could grow. people say it almost automatically, reactively, similar to how they say "you shouldn't try to change a person" and "this is how i've always been".
i think most people don't realise what they're really saying with these phrases, even when it is pointed out to them. what pains me most about it is thinking that someone really believes they are only one thing, rather than a multitude of selves. it would be especially tragic if - choosing one thing from all the possibilities - we could only be things that we've already been..
We are in a rare and special time, as a global community – countries with deep roots in violence against Black + Indigenous people (such as the United States) are being faced with the decision of either transforming or being reduced to ashes. From the perpetual struggles of Indigenous peoples to reclaim terrain they have known and cared for across centuries to the most recent losses (murders*) of Black life at the hands of police and white-hypermasc supremacy, to the fires of resistance that have followed, the marginalised and tired are finding novel ways to rise up. We are digging our inner soils to surface new resilience and to reimagine what life can (and should) look like on these traumatised lands.
At the same time, many white people and non-Black, non-Indigenous people are awakening into a new consciousness of their role in this transformation. Many are asking questions they have never asked before – “What is my work?”, “How do I begin?” – or seeking to renew their commitment to racial justice.
Unfortunately, there is one topic which is often conveniently neglected:
reparations.
A return to the original violences, to those points in time when the first harms were made; a question of whether those harms were ever sincerely acknowledged, and a realisation that they have not been; that they never will be, unless we do that work for ourselves; a commitment to restoring what was stolen to its original caretakers, those who have – for centuries – held and birthed and nourished the abundance of these lands. An abundance founded in and funded by Black and Indigenous blood, sweat, and tears ..
the egret resting gently upon the cow’s shoulders, taking note of everything they stir up while grazing. here, she finds not only companionship, but a high perch where she feels safe and can more readily scout out her next meal.
a beetle who makes home in the fur of a sloth, eager to eat the algae that grows on this slow-moving tree lover - moths and others may also gather here, thankful for the tiny, sheltered green they find woven into the sloth’s coat ..
with valentines coming around, this time of year gets everyone thinking on love – how to find it, how to keep it, or perhaps how much ice cream and movie binging we’ll need to get through the day. so, I thought I would share a longer article on astrology and how it can bring more love into your life, any day of the year; whether you’re working on your self-love game or focused on deeper connections with partners and other loved ones, astrology has so much to teach about relationships!
in the rest of this article, I’ll share what each of the signs struggles with in love, what they most bring to the relationship, what excites them, and – most importantly – what they’re desiring more deeply ..
yes, those boundaries – the ones your therapist said were important to have. the ones you saw in that meme reminding you of self-care. the ones you spent years making, probably first without knowing and which you later made intentionally. ones you are still trying to define.
see, the thing is, we don’t struggle with recognising how boundaries are a problem ..
it only takes a few hours, or sometimes, a few days, if we are really connecting. no matter how great things are going, at some point, the moment does come:
“oh, I’m not poly.”
maybe they finally read my profile, or we start talking about relationships and I’ve mentioned that I am invested in loving many people, in many ways.
no matter how it comes up, in that moment, I can feel that the relationship changes immediately – where things felt open and light before, they now feel closed and defensive. it becomes a trial, as if I have done something criminal. laughter disappears and is replaced by a tangible expectation that I have some explaining (apologising?) to do, if the relationship’s going to move forward from this point ..
Almost five years ago, in the midst of learning my way through tarot and other card-reading arts, I felt called to start crafting something entirely my own.
Little did I know what it would become.
It started with the symbols.For some reason, I just sat down one day and began writing out the names of common objects which I resonated with.The bell.The branch.The cocoon.I paired each symbol with a decan in the astrology I had studied for years.I asked what Mercury in Gemini might feel like, look like, if its spirit were transmuted into something mundane.A heavenly body taking shape in the earthly objects I interacted with each day …
these past several weeks, I have felt more anger than ever before in my life.
why? what changed?
well, actually, nothing; nothing seems to have changed, and that’s exactly why I’ve been so angry. most everything I do in my life is centered around finding my own liberation and seeking liberation for + with others, as well. I am constantly fighting. constantly shouting into a noisy world. often demanding, sometimes begging, for things to change ..
on this day, i renounce my own images to return space to the ones who were here before me. the ones who remain here, and who cannot be erased, who may never be forgotten; the ones who loved this land far before white feet ever touched here, whose blood and spirit and care form the shape of all that exists here today. i renounce an easy memory and embrace an honest, painful one ..
I’ve always thought of myself as someone who listens – a “good listener”.
That when someone comes to me, I am able to really hold space to receive what they’re hoping to share with me in that moment.I set aside my own needs and just listen.Not just waiting for my turn to share, not hoping for them to finish quickly, but really being with them in a moment of vulnerability and trying to hear “what is this person trying to share with me right now?” ..
In the first part of this introduction to learning tarot, we talked about the basics of getting started with this spiritual art: preparing your intentions of why and how you want to learn, choosing a deck that aligns with your needs, and starting to learn how a tarot deck is structured, something which helps us understand the individual cards as a set. Now, we’re going to take it further, to bring all of the pieces together and craft a complete, intuitive reading. After reading this article, you will have started building the skills you’ll need to do your own readings and share them with others (if you choose to!) – ideally, this article will be a resource that you return to as you move through your journey, finding guidance or inspiration as you need it ..
In our latest episode of the healing.words podcast, I had an opportunity to chat with Damola Akintunde, someone passionate about the arts, everything from photography to dance to documentary work - and much beyond! As a Black + femme creator, I was deeply excited by the chance to learn more personally about Damola's work, to know how it came to be and where it might still be going. This one-hour chat touched not only on design and ethics in the creative process, but how we navigate creating at the intersections of (our own) Black and femme experience, the challenges of accessing narrative resources, and witnessing ourselves in the midst of a continual assault on Black life and thriving. Damola's photo work is an oasis, a place to breathe and be replenished among an otherwise harsh terrain, and I am deeply thankful you are able to experience it with me; this work holds space for us to continue to dream and name our own way of existing in the world, in all our shades.
Join me in witnessing the myriad truths and beauty that Damola had to share during this conversation ..
The message for these weeks is to know how to discern between what is temporary and what remains. Dust symbolises an awareness of how things are over time; is what you’re witnessing in your life right now something that will last? Cast in the shadow of the new Moon, this card informs us that we may not be seeing the whole truth of the situation right now, so we are working with partial information unless we investigate further. As you move through the first half of this month, stay determined to trust in what you’ve always known in yourself and do not allow yourself to be misled by outer influences. There are many potentials, and you are aware of them as Pluto allows those depths to be felt and seen ..
When I first realised I was curious about tarot, I felt terrified. Sitting on my bed upstairs by myself, with a deck of demon-themed cards in my hands, I knew that there was something wrong about what I was doing; at least, that’s what my traditional Christian upbringing had left echoing in my mind. The cards felt entirely foreign to me, not only seeming to vibrate with some vaguely evil energy, but also with some underlying complexity tying them all together. It seemed far beyond me. I imagined only someone with some sharp psychic ability would be able to make anything of these pieces of magickal cardboard, and – even if I could – I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be that kind of person.
At the time, I had no idea how tarot would come to be a central part of my process of self-knowing and healing ..
It seems like everyone talks about self-care, but what does that actually look like, especially when we are already feeling overwhelmed? How do we actually know when we’re doing self-care and when we’re not? In moments when we are feeling especially down or panicked or challenged, it can be even more difficult to know how to put the pieces together.
So, here I am, making this list just for you. A collection of tools you can use to get from that difficult place to wherever you want to go- a gift to your higher, deeper, and more whole self. I’m writing this because I want that for you, too, and I’m determined to help you get there. <3
With all of the experiences I have witnessed in the world lately – both in my personal life and in our greater societies and communities as a whole – it seems to me that accountability is what we are needing most and simultaneously, the thing we are most afraid of. One of the things I see most in the work I do is how very much people are wanting to let their truths free, and what a painful process it is for them to try to hold it in.
Someone moving from laughter into uncontrollable tears during our first tarot reading together, when they were first convinced ..
There are things which appear briefly in life and then disappear, flickering away, barely felt. And then there are those things which return to us throughout time, again and again, things we carry and which are felt so heavily that the rest of our experiences come to be suspended within their gravity.
Of the many celestial bodies in the sky, Chiron has been one to continually appear to me, asking for – sometimes demanding – space to be heard and felt and healed ..
Put away the technology! Don’t write any letters, sign any documents, or expect to keep any appointments! Thinking of making a commitment? – think again! Slow down, slow down, slow down!
This panicked alert is what Mercury in retrograde has come to mean for most people. A symbol dictating when to act and when not to act. We begin to notice all the little slips in communication, the mixed messages, and all the ways that technologies somehow begin to fall apart through this period.
But could all this focus on communicative breakdown – and the fear and anxiety that comes along with that – actually be a mixed message, itself? ..
This is a question we ask people when trying to get to know each other, whether it’s at a party or with a classmate or through a dating app. We use it when looking through online profiles to see if “they might be the one” and are thrilled when we find out someone we like “has the same sign” – even if we approach it playfully, with the idea that it is just a fun thought experiment, there’s an immediate connection that we recognise in the potentials this question holds ..
What’s your favorite color? – if you had asked me this question as a kid, I probably would have said passionately and certainly “blue!”, without a moment’s thought. Now, this common, seemingly simple question is something I can’t quite answer anymore. Over the past few years, as I’ve learned more and more about the colors I see in the world around me, I’ve come to realise that I love nearly every one of them, that each is special to me for a different reason.
What I used to see as “purple”, I am now seeing as lavender, as a guide towards a calm and quiet place in my spirit ..
