Love in the Stars: the Astrology of Matchmaking (How to Find the Love You're Seeking)
love in the stars
the astrology of matchmaking
(how to find the love you’re seeking)
with valentines coming around, this time of year gets everyone thinking on love – how to find it, how to keep it, or perhaps how much ice cream and movie binging we’ll need to get through the day. so, I thought I would share a longer article on astrology and how it can bring more love into your life, any day of the year; whether you’re working on your self-love game or focused on deeper connections with partners and other loved ones, astrology has so much to teach about relationships!
in the rest of this article, I’ll share what each of the signs struggles with in love, what they most bring to the relationship, what excites them, and – most importantly – what they’re desiring more deeply.
but before we get started, there are a couple of things I want to clarify:
1. everyone has more than one sign. you can read about why that’s important in our article titled “multiplicity”, but the basic idea is that you shouldn’t limit yourself to identifying with your sun sign (the one you think of for your birth month) – or give it much weight at all. you will benefit a lot more from astrology if you learn about each of the signs and ask: how much is this sign a part of how I create meaning in my life? (we also offer astrology consultations, if you’d like to know what we see as your other signs; you and your partner(s) can even book together!)
2. match-making and compatibility isn’t “these two signs can be together, and these can’t”. compatibility is about how two people most often align in the meaning they create in their lives, but I believe it is always secondary to devotion; if two (or more) people are willing to work to stay together, then they will make it happen and if they aren’t willing, then no amount of compatibility will keep the relationship intact.
with those details out of the way, let’s learn about each of the signs, how you can recognise and work more abundantly with their gifts and challenges. it is with so much care that I share these words with you, and I pray that they may serve you as you seek to find love in yourself and with others you meet – there is so much love to be found in the stars!
aries
as the first sign of the zodiac, aries brings a very fiery energy to how they love; this is what’s most exciting about connecting with aries and also what makes it most challenging.
as the fire signs tend to, aries struggles to connect emotionally with what they feel, and especially struggle to and to see others’ needs or feelings. aries feels intensely, but fleetingly. whatever is in their view in the moment is the only thing that exists, and when it passes, it ceases to exist; if they don’t seem to acknowledge what you feel, note that it’s because they don’t even realise their own feelings are there. this can make it very difficult to resolve conflicts or process challenges in a relationship with aries, as the energy in any upset is usually enough to push everything apart, and aries doesn’t usually look back.
however, this same fault leads aries to be a very forgiving lover; they excel in moving past mistakes and are extremely present when they are present. you can expect that when you do catch aries’ attention, you will likely have all of it in those moments. the experiences you can create with aries will be explosive and vibrant, and where your connection centers around exploration or novelty, you will always find in aries a high-energy partner.
aries will always be drawn to – well, whatever they happen to see in the moment. when you and aries meet, you will usually find the connection is a very organic one, very alive and abundant; that’s what aries is drawn to: whatever doesn’t get in the way of them continuing to move about. they will be most excited by what moves fast and makes lots of noise – what is subtle will go unnoticed.
what aries wants most deeply is someone who keep up at their pace, though this isn’t usually a major focus for them, as they will keep moving either way. to love aries well, challenge yourself to remain open to new experiences and constant exploring, and also challenge aries to learn how to slow down when it’s time to talk or make decisions. they won’t like it at first, but it’s a lesson that any emotionally-developed aries will learn and appreciate.
taurus
taurus takes aries’ stubborn, careless nature and gives it some grounding, making a far more diligent and purposeful (see: also stubborn) energy.
those with a strong taurean energy really struggle to get moving, and certainly not quickly – both personally and interpersonally. everything that taurus does, taurus does in their own time. someone trying to connect with a taurus may feel for months or months, sometimes years, that emotional and mental depth just isn’t developing in the relationship. it may feel like there’s a block, and it won’t always be certain whether taurus can’t understand something or just won’t. if anyone knows how to be resistant, it’s taurus.
however, this is also because taurus is the sign of the seed, of what we plant and pati ently wait for. they excel in knowing how to wait for something worthwhile and how to protect a good thing from being ruined. those who make it through this trial of time will find a companion who is both devoted and sensitive, always present and emotionally committed when needed. in taurus, you will find someone who loves sensually, tangibly, and who is skilled in providing care and nourishment.
taurus may miss out on many opportunities to connect, as they are very rarely drawn to anything, but definitely repelled away from a lot of things – noise, drama, and (most of all) change. if anything, taurus is drawn to the things they already know: the home, the garden, the routine, the family, the foods they love. whatever is familiar, that is what taurus focuses on keeping close.
what taurus desires most deeply is someone who just wants to experience the simple comforts and pleasures of life together. if you are inclined to days filled with working in the garden, evenings of indulgent music and food, and nights on the front porch listening to crickets, then you are well-aligned to a life of partnership with taurus. loving taurus well means learning to recognise and share in the beauty of how simply they view the world, celebrating the bliss of everyday life.
gemini
next, we come to the curious child of the zodiac; gemini is the energy of asking questions, solving puzzles, and touching anything and everything for learning’s sake.
this sign struggles to see value in anything that isn’t intellectual stimulating, meaning they will often pass over anything that doesn’t seem “interesting” in the moment. emotions are no exception, and rarely will they motivate gemini to invest energy at all; this is what ties gemini to its airy nature: a desire to logick everything and stay free to investigate. in fact, the idea of investing sounds like a commitment, something most with gemini energy will stay away from (including commitment to any one truth, often leading to dishonesty or just vagueness). commitment is something gemini views as a limit to them experiencing and exploring the world, whatever they’ve become curious about in that instant, so it’s a no-go.
however, if you bring an equal curiosity about the world and are ready to play philosopher-detective-scientiest, you’ll be pleased with what gemini offers. gemini excels in intellectual engagement and learning. their intellectual speed is unrivaled in the rest of the zodiac; whatever ideas you have, they will quickly turn into one-thousand other forms of that same idea (if you don’t mind it having holes poked in and through it). if you are seeking an energy that can help you stay inspired and yet sober, forever curious but also skeptical, gemini may be a fruitful match.
gemini is drawn to ideas, and so you will find them wherever there are ideas. and where ideas have dried up or been stifled, gemini will disappear from. having a puzzle to work through will keep a gemini’s attention. this is also the thing they want more deeply, to be able to continually explore ideas (unfortunately, that doesn’t always translate into them understanding they want someone else around, also) – but if anyone is to build a deeper connection with gemini, it will be someone who can equally play detective and provide compelling questions to look at together. loving gemini well looks like a life-long commitment to learning, and to someone who remains tirelessly curious.
cancer
the cancerian energy is one of nurturing, connecting, and protecting.
as a protector, the main thing this energy struggles with is opening up and practicing vulnerability. this crab struggles to come out of their shell and will fiercely defend anything within or around it. this leads to a very defensive stance in relationships, with cancer often feeling like it’s just a matter of time until someone tries to take advantage or trick them. learning to trust others – both their intentions and their competence – is something that most cancerians need a lot of practice in.
however, cancer is also one of the signs to develop earliest in their life, meaning that they overcome these challenges very often; once they evolve to integrate their traumas, they excel in teaching vulnerability and so many other vital emotional skills. no one feels as cyclically as cancer, with the moon being their guiding planetary energy. in cancer, one finds a lover who is not only exceptionally skilled at caretaking and fiercely loyal, but someone who demonstrates sharp emotional awareness. like all the water signs, they will probably know your feelings more deeply than you do.
cancer is drawn to what is safe and tested and proven, something which limits their potentials for connection dramatically. it is not uncommon for an unevolved cancerian energy to turn into a hermit lifestyle, as the cancerian struggles to understand how to interact with the outer world. given that they also make a beautiful and safe home for themselves, there is even less reason to ever leave.
what cancer wants most deeply is people to invite into this home, and anyone who does make it inside may never leave again – no, but seriously, cancerians build relationships for life. anyone who invests in a cancer will find that energy multiplied many times over. serious inquiries only. loving a cancer means making a devotion to holding this person for the rest of life, or for all of the imaginable future to come, and sharing in the work of building a home, a safe place from the harsh outer world.
leo
in leo, we find the royalty of the zodiac, the lush lion ever-deserving of praise and admiration.
this is what leo struggles with most: desiring (needing?) to be at the center of everything, and struggling to see themself in any light other than the most flattering one. this is mostly due to leo’s own doubts in themself, something they’re desperate to not have magnified by others, much preferring to only receive others’ gaze as adulation. a leo who is not yet highly-developed will dismiss anyone who offers critique and be happy to never look back, while also being comfortable with keeping less-than-ideal people near as long as they are giving praise.
fortunately, a leo is usually willing to share their luxurious life with those they also see as royalty; they excel in caring for those nearest them, and are more overtly loyal than any other sign, willing to fight for someone they love even in situations where they know the person is in the wrong. living in close relation to a leo means living with only the best of the best, in material terms, and receiving the most vip care.
leo is very much drawn to what is flashy and extravagant, meaning you will find them anywhere there is drama or exceptional flair. while they desire to be seen as more refined and pulling off extravagance with ease, they are even more motivated to make sure they are seen, so they are perpetually drawn to up the ante. leos find themselves bored easily and will move on from anything that dampens the mood. leo lives for the light of the stage, so they are drawn to places where they can put themselves front and center.
however, this lifestyle is tiresome for even the most devout leo, and what they most desire is someone they feel they can take their mask off with. as much as leo wants to be celebrated, they are deeply desperate to find those who will see them in a more vulnerable light (though without the leo having to be the one to make the vulnerable space). to love a leo well is to craft a relationship where they know it is safe to just exist and feel, without a need to perform.
virgo
the ever-practical, ever-devoted virgo, archon of problem solving and “I told you so”.
if virgo struggles with anything, it is making themselves vulnerable. this extends not only from being creative – where virgo will generally find their own creativity to mean rearranging preexisting patterns into novel shapes – but also in making general life decisions. virgo really hates making mistakes, so especially in relationships, they are not keen to doing anything that doesn’t have a very high probability of clear success.
however, virgo doesn’t struggle with much, because they excel in identifying patterns and learning quickly from experiences (their own and those of others). virgo will not make the same mistake twice, and will also expect you to not make the same mistake twice. this means having a partner who will seem sharply critical of your choices, near constantly, but who truly and sincerely is invested in seeing you reach your full potentials.
virgo is drawn to what makes sense, so often will choose relationships that look great on paper, nearly regardless of what they feel like – or otherwise (and equally likely), the virgo will have made a list of reasons why the connection is justified. virgo generally works from the idea that everything is for a reason, so connecting with them can often feel like going to an interview, applying for a new position: they will want to know your past experience, current skills, and future projections.
what virgo wants most deeply is someone who helps them grow and who can also receive all that they have to share. they will exceed expectations in a million roles – nurturer, teacher, companion – and constantly shapeshift in how they love, a gift from their guiding planet, mercury. however, loving a virgo most deeply really means crafting a relationship where they don’t feel they have to play so many roles, where they can find rest.
libra
and here, the sign who is perhaps most often associated with love – the poetic libra.
there is one clear thing libra struggles with: choosing. choosing what? anything. libra can spend a lifetime making one decision because they are so involved in looking at all the possible sides and outcomes. as with all the air signs, committing to seriousness or one path is a daunting task and will almost certainly, immediately convince the libra that they’ve made the wrong choice, leading them back into the cycle of deciding again.
what libra most brings to relationships is sensuality, fantasy, and lightness; they excel in all things beauty and pleasure. anyone who invests in loving a libra will find themselves in a beautiful love story, something which will likely feel like a fairytale and a tragedy at the same time. it is an enticing love and one that will keep emotions flowing from the first moment.
libra is most drawn to the idea of love, the fantasy of what connection and belonging and certainly would feel like. a flashy love and potential flirtation will always catch libra’s attention. this is usually more fulfilling to libra than any constant reality (something that connects them with pisces). this makes libra an extremely romantic but hesitant and fickle lover, someone with whom the highs will be very high and the lows will be very low, and at the same time, someone who will try to balance out whatever it is you say you feel. libra is drawn to balance, in everything, and will do anything they can to move back to a seemingly neutral stance.
as libra spends their life overwhelmed with options, at the deeper level, they most desire someone who knows them well enough to help make decision-making easier. this can be difficult, as libra will feel both contemptful for you doing this, but also deeply grateful and relieved. loving libra well means knowing how to hold more than one consideration at once and being prepared to love through contradictions.
scorpio
scorpio personifies the energy of death and transformation, and relationships are no exception.
this sign, when emotionally-underdeveloped, struggles with a desire to control, to shape everything they see into what they desire to see. this comes from their guiding planet, pluto, which lends scorpio an obsessive, fixating nature; their primary challenge is that they tend to only see one way that things can be (after having reflected carefully and purposefully over months or years, coming to a conclusion), and are extremely resistant to any way that isn’t their own. in relationships with those learning to express themselves, scorpios don’t always know how to hold space for others to be received.
however, this is also connected to what scorpio excels in: focus, devotion, and emotional force. when scorpio sets their scope on something, they will do anything to see it through and almost nothing can keep them away from it. this makes scorpio probably the most devoted lover of all the signs, someone who isn’t afraid of losing anything in order to keep what is most important to them. they are not afraid of death, and so they’re certainly not afraid of a bit of a challenge in a relationship. this intensity manifests in a complete devotion to understanding what is fulfilling, healing, and necessary for their partners. no one will understand their partner like a scorpio will.
when not highly-developed, scorpio is most drawn to relationships where they can exert a rather strong sense of control on the dynamic. this is where scorpio feels most at ease, because they trust themselves and tend to view others are far less capable – even those they are caring for. this means that scorpio usually seeks out relationships (often just one focus at a time) with those they perceive as needing guidance or protection.
most deeply, however, scorpio seeks someone they see as being on their same level, someone whom they can really challenge and feel challenged by. scorpio lives most of their life feeling like they must discipline and control the intensity of what they feel, so they most desire others who can receive the depth and darkness of their being. loving a scorpio well means being willing to work past fears and preconceived ideas, always challenging and embracing the full intensity of what you feel in the relationship.
sagittarius
the sign of the explorer, sagittarius lives to know more about the world and those who live in it.
this world-traveller really struggles with very little, as they are so open to experiencing other ways of existing; however, if anything, they do struggle with commitment and following through, in general life and in love. sagittarius lives to be opening new doors, but actually walking through them is another question – forget staying in one place for very long. sagittarius is fascinated by “the beyond”, always reaching for what seems far away and convinced they haven’t found “it” quite yet. if they get a doubt about a relationship (especially feeling confined), it probably isn’t long before they’re packing bags.
as said above, sagittarius excels in remaining open and learning. out of all the signs, sagittarius has absolutely no difficulty being sincerely present with another person or an idea; they come into situations with very little prejudice and a great deal of humility. this makes sagittarius someone who can easily provide a listening ear, a shoulder to lean or, or an extra hand if you’ve got a project in mind. sagittarians are excellent companions, willing to go most anywhere at a moment’s notice.
sagittarius is most drawn to the unexplored, meaning they’ll always be looking to go on “the road less travelled”, though often disappointed to find that both paths were pretty much the same. in relationships, it is the same; sagittarius is looking for what seems promising and full of adventure, so if you’re looking to connect with them, get ready to hike, fly, and sail your way around the earth.
this is also aligned with what they want most deeply: someone to explore the world with. sagittarius will always be looking to the sky and the stars, convinced they’ve found something brilliant there, and will want to invite you along – but be quick! just sagittarius fiercely defends their own freedom, they are equally concerned about protecting others’ freedom, meaning they will often opt not to invite you explicitly, for fear of imposing. loving a sagittarian well means being ready for adventure, and also knowing how to invite yourself along until they learn how to.
capricorn
capricorn, the hard-ass of the zodiac, the one who gets shit done one way or another.
this sign really only struggles with one thing: being satisfied; unfortunately, this is kind of everything. in relationships, capricorn will often seem displeased, not necessarily upset in any explicit way, but just carrying an air of discontent. this is due to the fact that capricorn is always looking to how things should be, and how they could be if conditions were right. their fixation on goals and achievements will often mean they won’t spend more than a second celebrating one accomplishment before moving onto the next, both for you and certainly for themself.
capricorn’s goal-oriented nature, though, also means they are a reliable and consistent companion, someone with whom you can expect clear agreements; unlike the previous sign, capricorn excels at following through with plans and seeing something to completion. as you know someone of capricorn energy, you will find that your relationship does grow in tangible, measured ways across time. even more so, if you take the time to define your goals in the relationship, what you hope to see and create together.
this hard-headed sign is most drawn to any and every challenge, determined to prove something to themself and you and anyone who will watch. if anyone can do it, its capricorn, and they will make sure you know it. their goals, accomplishments, achievements, earnings are everything. if you’re looking to get close with a capricorn, expect to go through some bureaucracy and maybe write out a clear plan of what kinds of returns they can expect on that investment.
I don’t know so many people of capricorn energy, but from what I have gathered, what they most often desire, more deeply, is someone who really just sees them as enough. of course, the capricorn will fight this and assure you that they can and should be more, and that your expectations should be higher – but deep down, they are also tired and need to learn how to rest. loving capricorn well means being willing to climb higher but also knowing how to say “this is enough; let’s stop here and enjoy what we’ve made”.
aquarius
guided by uranus, aquarius is the innovative dreamer of the zodiac, and they dream of unity.
aquarius struggles with emotional presence and seriousness in general, as they will often see this as getting in the way of dreaming, ideating, imagining. whatever you bring up, aquarius will find a way to take it further and show how it could be cooler. this is collaborative, as aquarius is certainly enjoying the process of brainstorming with you, but it doesn’t always feel like it; aquarius prefers to leave things unspoken and assumed, so they aren’t the first to give words of gratitude or anything otherwise sentimental.
where aquarius does excel is in sharing sentimentality on a larger scale, not with one person, but with people. aquarius’ energy is really about the group, about collective growth. they have an abundance of love for celebrating the masses and are in bliss in opportunities to collaborate with others to create something meaningful for everyone. this is an energy of love for people, in general, and seeing the goodness of what they can create when they come together.
thus, you will find aquarius drawn to any energy of communal love, places where people are gathered and where the community is prioritised over the individual. they will also be drawn to any opportunity to create with you, to work on a project. more deeply, most aquarians do dream of having closer relationships, something of deeper intimacy and connection, they just don’t generally know how to make that happen on a 1-to-1 level. to love an aquarian is to love who they are in community as well as who they are with you.
pisces
and lastly, we arrive at pisces, the one who holds the energy of nothing and everything at once.
with the transcendental energy of neptune as their guide, pisces mostly struggles with self-defining. pisceans truly do not feel a separation between themselves and others, making it very difficult for them (*us!) to know which feelings are ours and which belong to others, without practice. this can often lead to a high degree of empathy, but also contempt as pisces (like libra) will often make choices in others’ interest without deeply recognising their own needs.
this is also what makes pisces a deeply intuitive and selfless lover, someone who excels in witnessing others; they will know you as they know themself, if not more profoundly than they know themself. pisces will receive all of you and know all of you, forever ready to merge – just give them the word. they will understand how to love you without you needing to clarify what you need, and will do so very early on the relationship, much before you’ve actually had time to know each other.
pisces is drawn to giving and to connecting in general, and they do so near effortlessly (though it actually does require a lot of care and effort, and will leave pisces drained!). whether it is with someone they’ve just met on the bus or someone they’ve known for years, they will treat each person with the same vulnerability and sincerity every time they meet. pisces is forever seeking to witness others and to give a part of themselves to help others feel more whole.
however, this gift is something that leaves pisces feeling very much in pieces (even if they don’t know it) and while they most deeply want this connection, at any cost, what they need is someone who can help them remember to keep themself whole. anyone who is devoted to pisces must learn to help them see themself as a tangible person who matters and has needs which are important; pisces will say “yes, of course” but will struggle to put self-care into practice. loving pisces well means helping them receive the wholeness they desperately try to share with others.
Amani Michael
intuit.hue founder + guide
